plain fucking horrible

I saw a few pictures of the beheading of James Foley today.  He was an American journalist kidnapped in Syria.  I am deeply disturbed.  I can't think of any problem I have now, have ever had, or will almost certainly ever have that can compare.  I am severely lucky. If you get the opportunity, do not look at the pictures.

RIP

RIP



  



what you need today

I wrote a blog about buying a blender because my Ninja wasn't working and how I've been watching a ton of YouTube videos on being vegan and how the vegans like to talk a lot and then I erased the blog because it was long and boring and condensed it into this paragraph.  

The lady where I bought my blender (Macy's Home Store, it was Macy's), obviously worked on commission. She tailed me my entire visit.  She had this raspy, loud voice and she wouldn't leave me alone.  I'm surprised she didn't tell me the blender made me look good, like it brought out my eyes.  She was relentless.  

Yea vegan...I went vegetarian for about 2 months and now I'm probably 90% vegan for almost a month. I have no clue what I'm doing.  I blame the YouTuber's who talk too much.  I can't get through a video.  It's not me and my low attention span, it's them.

Speaking of not knowing what I'm doing, I film Poker Night in America in a week.  It seems like most people on the show are buying in 100 big blinds.  I'm not sure what to buy in, probably will do the same for my first buy in and take it from there.  No, no... I'll probably only have to buy in once.  Positive thinking people.

Yea.

No.

Yea.

Dude this post is one of my worst, I'm really reaching.  I'm going to go get my best friend in a bit aka a cup of coffee, then I'm going to go to Ace Hardware and buy a bucket and a brush so I can wash my patio cushions, then I'm going to get a pedicure.  After that I'm going to get a salad for lunch.  Then who knows man, who knows.  Endless possibilities.

If I was a first time visitor to this site I'd leave and never come back. 

Oh I'm a bartender.  Apparently I wrote somewhere in this blog that I got a job as a bartender and now this vicious rumor has spread throughout the community.  The community of one person who told me.  I'm not a bartender, I wouldn't make it a day.  I don't know what I am, and I'm also barely making it through a day.

This video is geared towards my large female fan base. It's spot on.











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It was 110 degrees out so to cool down I went to a Hot Yoga class where the room was only 105 degrees.  At check-in I wasn't sure if I wanted to just pay for the one class or purchase a month's worth.  I told the owner my predicament and asked if I could take the class first, see how I felt in the heat and decide after.  He said "no." Ok fine, here's your ten bucks.

I didn't bring my gym bag in with me because it was just too hot to be lugging anything around.  My lock was in my bag and since I didn't have it with me I brought my sunglasses and phone into the yoga room.  I was about 5 minutes early and I was texting.  I was texting in yoga!  The instructor came over and gave me a stern, "No phones in class."  Ok, she was right, I shouldn't be texting in the sanctuary.  I put it down. "No phones in class," she said again.  Oh she meant get my fucking phone out of the room.  Fine, I put my phone between my two sandals outside the room and prayed that the yogis were too kind to steal it.

The instructor was from Long Island and every time she wanted us to "surrender" to something she'd say "surrenda."  Just like that, try it "surrendaaa." 

"Surrendaaa to this pose."  I couldn't concentrate.  I resisted the urge to leave early, fought through her accent and was pleased to see my phone was still there when I left the room.  I did not buy the month package.  Instead I went to normal temperature Pilates the next day and they got me for 3 months.  So Pilates it is.

I hate poker.

I have a new breakfast recipe.  4 bananas, water and a scoop of vanilla Sun Warrior Protein.  It tastes delicious. 

Oh yea, poker.  It just sucks right now.  I can't beat a 5 year old so I don't feel like playing and I have no plan.  Like usually I'll make a plan to take the week off and start back on the weekend or something like that but right now my only plan is to stock up on bananas and go to Pilates.  I surrenda.