This is where I'm starting.

I think I'm going to go for one of those stream of consciousness posts tonight and see how many green beans I'm left with when it's all over.

It's Friday night and I'm bored out of my mind.  So fucking bored.  I was either going to get something bad to eat or take two valium and eat green beans.  I chose the lessor of the two evils.  I have nobody to hang out with today.  The one person who called to meet up, I didn't respond to.  My BFF is out with her new BF, living happily ever after in honeymoon-phase-land. My own boyfriend is I think playing poker but I'm not sure because we are in the midst of a brawl complete with minimal communication.  "Brawl" sounds kind of physical right?  It's not physical, I just wanted to use a different word than the word "fight" and I don't want to pull up the thesaurus and ruin my trains of thoughts.  He gets upset when I don't give him his place in this blog.  So there's something.

I was watching Extreme Weight Loss Makeover the other night, or whatever it's called and in one year's time people who are obese lose a ton of weight.  It's amazing.  I always wonder how these people can find the time to go on a 3 month retreat during the show given most of them have families and jobs to tend to. Their health becomes their number one priority though so I guess they just make it work.  It's amazing (did I say that already?) The show always gets me. They work so hard.  I think I could drop 20 pounds in 8 weeks max if I made any efforts but instead I continue to go to Starbucks in the afternoon and get chocolate croissants. Multiple; I get 2. These are not vegan which is why I've been claiming to be about 90%, which is pretty good if you were to ask me. Those croissants though, they are the death of me.

Anyway when these previously fat people have a coming out party at the end of their one year journey there are always 50-100 or so people in the audience applauding them; people they know.  I feel like that must be a pre-req for the show.  Where would I find 100 people that I know well enough to talk into venturing to my coming out party?

When I lived in Palm Springs I was in a band managed by this guy Benny who sang a hit song about pedophilia that you can listen to here.  He once told me to open my mouth wider when I sang back ups.

I did not like him. 

Every week we were either getting signed or flying to England to record an album. Nothing ever happened. I stuck with the band for a while because the songs were really good but in the end I quit and moved to LA. I don't think they ever got anywhere.  It was criminal for the singer to at least not get a publishing deal but... 

Benny told us a story once about having to go on the Delilah radio show while his Mom was really sick or newly dead, I don't remember. But anyway he had to make an appearance on this show and although he was upset he said he couldn't show it.  He said he had to "turn it on" for the audience.  I thought that was lame.  What's wrong with being legitimately upset and expressing it?  Won't people relate to that better than a fake showman?

I know I've got another random story in me, let me think...

Oh Pilates today, not good.  Its a hen house.  That's the term to use when a lot of chatty women get together right?  Well thats what that term means today.  My teacher is a single Mom, she shops at Savers, her daughter bought a tutu and her brother is an alcoholic sober for 3 years now and he drinks hemp smoothies.  Man, how can I get in my Pilates zone when all the teacher does is tell stories about herself?  I once had a therapist that did that.  I was depressed or sad, whether we want to be clinical or human in the description, and I had lost a ton of money in investments over a short amount of time.  I tried to convey this to the therapist and get advice on how to get over it and move on.  Instead of helping me, she told me over and over and over how she could relate because her life was nearly ruined from the not nearly as much money as I had lost experience she had from buying her house.  That's fine, it's all relative and I felt for her but she wasn't paying me $90/hour.

I wonder if I'm going to get sick from all of these green beans.

Let me grab a green tea...

Ok, I'm back.


And here's whats left of our snack.