I watch two television shows religiously.  One is Real Housewives of Orange County.  The other is too embarrassing to say.  Both are on hiatus so I’ve got an extra hour and a half a week on my hands. 

What to do?

With all this free time on my hands, I've consumed a few books:

Blood Of The Patriots – really well written and highly interesting if you’re into anti-gov’t militia stories

Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions – worthwhile read, adaptable advice

We The Animals – unique story and writing style, read it without looking at reviews 

Molly’s Game – better than the movie, well-written and full of interesting detail

The Keys – garbage, didn’t get very far and wasted precious minutes of my life reading what I did

I've also been surfing YouTube for "I quit sugar and look at all the weight I lost."  I ditched the white stuff this week and am fully committed to staying clean. 



YouTube has been leaving me with a strong desire to start a vlog for a while now.  My polar opposite significant other half thinks it would be entertaining to watch us talk politics (yawn) and I think it would be cool to document my journey back into good health and prosperity.  We'll see.  He's the tech guy, I'm the idea man but he's been trying to wear both hats and so we've gotten nowhere.  

Here's a video.  


lo siento

She was living with me.  I was driving her to work among countless other places because she didn’t have a car.  I might have lent her money, I really don’t remember.  I do remember listening to my boyfriend’s voicemail where she left a message saying, “I can’t stop thinking about you and last night.”  She called to leave him the message 2-minutes after she finished having lunch with me.

I was devastated.  I couldn’t breathe.  I went home, waited on the sofa for her to appear.  When she came in I told her to get the fuck out, and to never speak to me again.  Without any drama, she left.  Then that night, she tried to kill herself.  She was rushed to the hospital and her stomach pumped.  I saw her at work a couple of days later.  “Next time you try to kill yourself, don’t fuck it up.”

What kind of demented, piece of shit, asshole says that to someone?

Me.  I’m that fucking asshole. 

I knew right away how wrong it was.  I called my best friend’s mom and told her what I did.  Ever caring, she called a suicide prevention team with the police and they went to where she was staying, to try and divert another attempt.  She said she was fine.  It was fine.

A handful of years later, I joined Facebook.  I friended this girl, apologized for being a bag of shit and she accepted my apology.  I felt a weight had been lifted.  A year later I saw her at The Sand Dollar on Spring Mountain and she was on what I assumed was an incredible amount of cocaine.  I couldn’t get a word in.  I wanted to leave so badly but she just kept talking, about the old times.  No mention of the horrible thing that I had done.

Fast-forward to a couple of months ago.  She killed herself.  The girl who I told not to fuck it up the next time she tried to commit suicide, successfully killed herself.  Did she think about when I said those terrible, terrible words?  I hope I wasn’t even a passing thought.  That me telling her to get it right didn’t enter her head.  I could feel the weight that had been lifted, seep back onto my shoulders.       



You guys, I’m still reeling from that freaking haircut I got.  I can’t let it stop me from producing high quality content though, I just can’t.

I added an option to subscribe to this blog.  Now I can send you a heads-up email when I write a post so you won’t forget about me and what we mean to each other. 

I won’t ever let you forget about me.  Nobody will love you like I love you. 

We’ve all been in that relationship, am I right?

Pilates is going fine, thanks for asking.  Yes, I’m still walking; I'm up to 20 miles a week now.  I’ve also added a fanny pack/water holder and wrist weights. 

There’s a lot we can say about that.  Just going to leave it alone though.

I’ve been watching Andrew Neeme’s poker vlogs on YouTube.  I can’t watch a video or listen to a podcast usually for more than 2 minutes and 15 seconds.  I either turn it off or fast forward through it, but I’m managing to get through his entire episodes.  I recommend them if you play low to medium stakes live poker, or especially if you want to.

I’ve never met Andrew and he didn’t ask me to write that.  Pretty sure he reads this though.


Alright, I’ve promoted this site, talked health and threw in an advertisement. 

Yup, bang up job of a post I’d say.  If this is your first time here and you’d like to read more keep scrolling or check out the fun stuff over in the archives.

Peace out.


Hi guys.

I was thinking about starting a vlog but I’m not as clever when I’m talking as I am when I’m writing award winning blogs. 

Case in point.

I was at the poker table and an older reg asked…

“So what happened, did you go to China?”

His intention was to find out where I had been the last couple of years. He obviously didn’t know that one could fly to China and back in two days.  Being an intellectual gymnast though, I knew what he meant.

“I had a baby,” I said.

“Must have been a big baby,” the witty older gentleman replied, glaring at me.



This is why I won’t vlog.  I said ‘Yup.”  Two minutes later I realized I should have said “Must suck to be bald, eh?” But I didn’t say that because I am not quick on my feet with words.  My first instinct is always to be agreeable and polite.  By the time I had crafted this ridiculously brilliant response in my head too much time had passed.  Nobody would get to hear what an ingenious wordsmith I am.

(No offense to my bald readers, of which I know there are many because this site has a sick analytics system.)

So where have I been and what have I been doing?  This resuscitated blog will be about those things, and more!

First though let us address the elephant in the room. 


Me.  I’m the elephant.  I’m huge, not like in tv ratings, but in weight.  I did have a baby and I did gain baby weight and I did not lose it.  So besides gambling and my mundane daily activities, I’ll probably be talking about how I’m fat and what I’m doing about it.

Like this gem. 

I went to Orange Theory. The girl behind the counter, who asked me if I had to “potty” when I asked where the bathroom was, handed me a heart monitor and expected me to just lift my shirt and put it on in front of all the other people waiting for class. As if!

I tried my best to turn away from the crowd as I strapped the monitor above my big belly. 

Ok.  Done.  Time for class.  On the way in all the students were high-fiving the instructor. Yes, really. Agreeable me of course fell in line.  EDM was blaring, as one would expect, and the teacher started yelling out his commands.  While minding my own business, galloping along on my treadmill, he came up to me and said, “I’m sorry I didn’t notice on the way in, I’ll modify the class for you.”


“No, I’m not pregnant."


That was like 5 months after I had the baby, no big deal right?  Some guy at the table asked me a few weeks ago when I was due.  I had the baby a year ago, so…

Gambling, mundane life, fat.  If you have any other requests leave a comment below.