b & b

I went to make a bet in the sports book, because I’m super sharp, and the clerk tried to get me. I gave him the bet number and he slyly asked, “Oh what team is that for?”

Instead of being fast on my feet and saying, “Why you in my shit?” I said, “Oh, Marlins.”

The guy can see exactly what I bet when he punches it in.  He thought he was going to expose me as a newbie runner.  I’m the brains behind my operation, bro! Tsk.

Since our last meeting, a few days ago, when I wrote that scathing review of my progress getting a literary agent, I’ve had an agent request my manuscript.  Like, from a legit agency.  It went like this…

Me – send a query letter

Him- request more

Me – send more

Him – “Thanks!”

Thanks with an exclamation point!!!  Basically, I’m in. Who sends an exclamation point without the intent to sign a deal?  Business 101, people.

Today was a get-things-done kinda day.  I made lots and lots of calls to people trying to figure out how much I owe here and there.  I don’t do direct-pay or bank draft or whatever it’s called when businesses automatically take money from your bank account every month.  When they over-charge you, which is like so often it’s insanity, it’s hard to get the money back.  So I tediously go through my bills every month and pay them one by one.  Sometimes I even mail a check.  And when I get over billed, I call and won’t pay till they get the amount right. 

How lame was that last paragraph though?  I’m blogging about paying bills.  That’s just the kind of day it was.  Bills and sweating the Marlins.

I'm putting this video up because it was "recommended" to me by YouTube.  It has 35 million views and I, up until earlier today, was not one of those views.  In the spirit of sharing, I leave it here for all of you.

Plot

This month I’ve been shopping my memoir to literary agents. I’m assuming I’m going to obtain representation and get a 6-figure book deal any day now. That’s how this writing thing works, right?  Easy peasy.

I was back roomed in a casino once and the cops were called.  When they got there, discussing my possible arrest, one of the cops said, “Easy, peasy.”  I hate that freaking phrase but it comes to mind often.

In my search for a larger audience who might be interested in my book, I’ve been shamelessly following new people on social media hoping for follows back and link clicks to this blog. 

It feels dirty. I feel dirty.

I target gamblers.  How can I tell they’re gamblers you ask?  One of three ways:

1.     The profile picture was taken at a poker table.

2.     The profile picture is a chip stack.

3.      They have a poker word in their name like “PokerAssassinRob” or “ChipstackingTina.”

So I’ve been doing this all week and though Twitter has been going ok, Instagram not so much.  I also got had on Instagram.  This kind of well-known, kinda-poker playing girl “liked” one of my IG posts.  I thought, “Oh cool, new follower…I’ll follow back.”  So I did, only to realize later that she didn’t follow me at all.  She just liked a post of mine so I’d follow her.  She leveled me.   I have now added this move to my arsenal.

Ok enough of this big-time marketing talk. 

Let’s talk more about being back-roomed.  I feel less dirty being handcuffed to a bar on the wall in a casino back room because they mistook my legal gambling techniques for cheating than I do relentlessly following people on Twitter.

In my career I’ve been in a casino back room, not wanting to be, three times…I think.  The first time it happened, I had been chased down in the parking lot of a dumpy Las Vegas casino by security for counting cards.  So lame, right?  While the security guard had me on the ground and was cuffing my left arm, I got a call out to 911 with my free right arm and shouted, “I’m being kidnapped by XXX casino.” 

How’d that turn out?

Metro came down to the casino, saw my partner and me handcuffed in a back room and left us there for three and a half hours.  They came in and out of the room, in between the free breakfast they were getting, to let us know that we wouldn’t do well in jail and that I couldn’t use the bathroom.

Nice guys.

Long story short, we sued.  We settled for some small amount and now I have this cool story to tell.